A Real Life Empress Experience

I just found out that my younger sister is pregnant. And… she’s 36 weeks along. And… she JUST FOUND OUT.

Of course, we’re all worried. Many risks are involved when there are no prenatal care, and she’s not in the best health.

We’ve had a very rough relationship over the last few years. But I don’t care about that right now. I just hope and pray that she doesn’t encounter any serious complications and that my lil’ Nephew (that feels so weird to say) is healthy and safe when he comes into this world. It looks like he’s going to be a Sagittarius, but it could be close!

I have been sitting here thinking about what to ask my cards. I can’t even really PROCESS this right now… But I pulled the top card after shuffling for quite a while…


Of course. The Empress.

“Sometimes the strength of motherhood is greater than natural laws.”
Barbara Kingsolver

Anonymous Love Reading: Someone Seems Off…


  1. You… The Queen of Cups, are in a position of openness to romance and love! You are level-headed, while maybe a bit emotional– this is part of what makes you attractive to this person. You are deep, introspective, thoughtful and care a great deal about others. You stand on secure emotional footing at this time.

  2. Them… not so much, maybe? The Three of Swords is a card of pain, heartbreak, acute sadness… brokenness. Perhaps something about them needs nurtured back to health. They are not focused on much other than what is hurting them– this is the driving force behind their dealings with you right now. I am seeing this as potentially negative, because there is a great unbalance* (this will tie in to the last card) between you two right now.

  3. Connection… The Page of Wands, Reversed. Indicating a connection that is still in its very early, immature phases. One of both of you have some growing up to do when it comes to relationships. Don’t fool yourself and overestimate this connection– it is not a particularly deep one, YET. It may be even a little frustrating as one of you is wanting it to move along faster than the other.

  4. Intentions… Knight of Swords as their intentions toward you. This is one of those cards I admit can confuse me as a reader. Knights represent energies that are swift, confrontational, and very adolescent. The Knights have learned more lessons than the Pages, but they are going through a time almost like the awkward puberty years. Swords represent communication and thought, as well as challenges that take a lot of intellect to figure out. Let me quote Raven’s Tarot Site (http://www.corax.com/tarot/cards/index.html?swords-knight):

“The Knight of Swords represents the Fire in the Air, he is the storm of the mind flaming up high. He is sharp-minded, analytical, clever, dexterous and courageous, always ready for and fond of argumentations and verbal wars. His passion for intellectual mindgames can make him an excellent warrior in logical excursions, enjoying both picky subtleties and bizarre contradictions.

At his best, the Knight of Swords stands for intelligent judgement and mental realizations, he is a skilful trickster and a keen observer. Though, lacking the depths of the water and the stability of earth, his mindgames could turn into cloud-cuckoo-lands without inner reflections, he gets unable to decide simply for getting lost in too many theoretical variations.

At the worst, the Knight of Swords tends to put logic and mind ahead of all other values, turning into an cold analytic judging and rating by logic only, without warmth or humanity; or even degenerates to a deceitful, sardonic tyrant of the mind.”

  1. Future… Justice says that you may face an issue that involves a right from wrong situation. Hopefully it isn’t talking about any legal trouble. Perhaps you know deep down what it’s referring to– if there is some reason why you and this person SHOULDN’T be together (such as one of you already being in a relationship, or some kind of dishonesty with one another), this advises you to make decisions that will NOT put you on the “guilty” side. Stay honest, transparent, with yourself and this person, because there may come a time in the future when you’ll have to account for decisions being made now. This card is upright, though, so I am seeing it as a situation that turns out right for you in the end. Just use your noggin’! Be smart and don’t be too risky now– it will haunt you in the future. Instead, be awesome and authentic now… and always. (Oh, the Justice card also ties heavily into the Zodiac sign of Libra. I don’t know if you are into astrology or not but I thought I’d throw that out there.)




An Update

An Update

I haven’t been posting any original tarot-related material for quite a while now. I feel this vague sense of needing to apologize to my followers, but also of needing to write about WHY I’m not doing many readings/writing/spreadcrafting. Maybe I need to better understand it myself.

Throes of Creation by Leonid Pasternak

1. I’ve been experiencing a sort of creative paralysis lately.
I have time and tons of ideas. I’m even going so far as to jot down most of my ideas for later revisiting. I have some new creative tools to start playing with as well– an online friend sent me some clay, which I’ve wanted to have and use for a while now. But I just stare at this lump of clay, still covered in its cellophane wrapper. And my mind goes blank. Then, a sudden surge of anxiety floods me. (Okay, this is definitely about more than just the clay– any time I sit down and attempt to write, do readings, create something…)
I have a bad anxiety disorder, and to go along with that, a case of IBS that is becoming concerning. I have a referral to see a GI doctor. But when I look at that paper, and then at my phone, and then at the time, boom, it happens again. Anxiety roars through my body. I feel the all-too-familiar feeling of my intestines twisting up. Lately there has been a lot of pain involved too.
“No, I will do it in the morning,” I say. I get up and start feverishly arranging things in my room or begin to clean out a drawer or sort through a box, and then another distraction comes along. A text message. Oooh, I should check Pinterest. Oh, there’s a picture I’ve gotta show Rene later.
… and suddenly, my expanse of time… precious uninterrupted time, is over.

2. In less than two weeks, I have a major court hearing that will determine a great deal of my living conditions, priorities, etc., regardless of the outcome. 

Have I been scared to read my own cards about this? Yes. But I’ve done it anyway. In some ways I am excited by what they’re telling me. The fact that I keep drawing cards that indicate major change, justice, and financial security is just reassurance to me that I am still connected to the Divine in my practice of tarot meditations.

But I am kind of… paralyzed there too. I have this nagging feeling that I should be doing something to mentally prepare myself for this. I tend to delve into intellectual and spiritual pursuits when life around me is getting confusing and unclear… but is this the right time to spend time doing free readings for people on the internet? Am I focusing enough on what is coming up in my own life?

Some cards I’ve been getting lately in my daily drawings…

One that comes to mind is the Queen of Cups.


She has appeared as the last card in my three-card draws a lot of times this past month. I know exactly what she’s saying to me, too. I’m growing to recognize her face in my Cosmic Tarot deck as the lady who is reminding me that the best way to deal with whatever is going on right now, as well as in the upcoming future, must be dealt with gracefully. Emotional breakdowns, “losing it”, or becoming too attached to the outcome… this can’t happen right now. I have to stay emotionally centered. I have to take special care of my emotions. I must do everything I know is necessary for staying emotionally balanced– this includes taking my meds, getting enough sleep, nourishing my body, and staying out of unnecessary conflict.

Another card I’ve seen a lot lately is the Knight/Prince of Pentacles.cdd2335ad39779e6c5832559c7f765b0

A practical, by-the-book approach.

Slow but steady movement into the resolution of physical needs. Building financial security.

Going over the fine print. Communications via mail. News delivered– don’t misread it.

I like the Knight of Pentacles in that they are the “least Knight-like” energy of all the Knights. Some say the Knight of Cups is the least Knight-like, but I would beg to differ based on one factor: he is loyal and steadfast. This is not a quality that the other Knights have down yet. They lack follow-through.

Something that occurs to me as I write this is the way others view the Knight of Pentacles. They see him as slow, overly meticulous, and sometimes even lazy. I’d go so far as to say that they doubt that he will succeed. But they don’t know what’s going on behind those stoic eyes. He’s got a plan, and just because he doesn’t like to gab about it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. He goes his own way, takes his time, and takes care of his physical health in order to keep up his strength. I can relate to this, as I have many days that to others may appear “lazy days”. If only they knew how much I’m actually doing…

I’ve been seeing the Nine of Pentacles and The Sun a lot too lately.

So, there are my excuses reasons.


3 x 3 Spread On a Melancholy Day

I woke up crying again.
Made some coffee.
Shuffled the hell out of my deck. Rene moved my deck lastnight– I watched him and he was careful with it.
I pull three cards.
The Lovers. The Devil. The Emperor.
I ask for clarification on each.

The Lovers + 7 of Wands

At first glace, what comes to me is…
Choice in love, competition, fighting for love, setbacks in love that will be resolved but will require you to NOT give up, even when the going gets tough. Values and beliefs being put to the test, an opportunity to CHOOSE whether I will stand up and fight or remain silent when my values are tested. A platonic friendship coming to an end because one wants to become lovers and the other doesn’t…

The Devil + Judgement

Um, this could possibly be the scariest card combination I’ve ever seen…
What comes to me is…
“Your sins will be revealed”. A major dirty secret coming out and having to accept all of the consequences.

(Later today, I got a phone call from a friend. These cards make total sense to me now. They weren’t describing events in my life, unless there’s more yet to come… ugh, I better go to bed!)

The Emperor + Three of Pentacles

Solid foundations. Being lead, being controlled, but having a solid foundation. Influences from (someone’s) employment situations. Teamwork and solidarity. Letting go of my desires and following another’s way.



A Daily Draw Tale: 6 of Wands, 10 of Cups, The Heirophant

Most days, my daily card ritual goes kind of like this: I shuffle for a while, think about what I want to do (one card? A two card combo? Or a PPF 3 card style draw?). Some days, whatever I draw is almost instantly recognizable in my personal life. Relationship problems? I usually see someone in the Pentacles Court family, or the Wands family. PMSing like crazy? It’s likely I’ll see the High Priestess or the Empress (though I’d expect to see the Wheel).
A lot of days, though, I simply lay out the cards, take a snapshot, maybe write them down in my log if I remember, and just keep them facing up on my desk (and in my mind) all day.
Yesterday was interesting though. I drew three cards. I was feeling a little bit rushed, anxious, et cetera. My partner has been staying with me all week and we’ve been working on a project in the yard, running a lot of errands, etc. We’ve had a few small arguments that have really shaken me– stirred up some resentment maybe. I must have been subconsciously worrying that we’d have another argument and yesterday I really just felt like I couldn’t peacefully diffuse more drama and chaos.

I thought the words “My day…” in a whisper, and turned over the 6 of Wands. Victory? I thought “My struggles…” and turned over the 10 of Cups. Disturbances in emotions and love? And the final card was the Hierophant, which I drew as a solution to the day’s struggle.
We had to go because we both had therapy; his at 11 and mine at 12. He asked me to come in with him to his session. I reluctantly agreed to go in.
It ended up being a very helpful experience. All of the issues we’ve been dealing with lately sort of just came up on their own. I tried to say very little, as it isn’t my therapy session, but the little I did say seemed to help him and his therapist overcome a plateau.
My session went well. I talked about my part in our problems and allowed my therapist to give me constructive criticism. He told me that he sees that I am very impatient and want results immediately– not a criticism I’ve received before, but upon thinking about it, I see that it IS true.

The Heirophant can be seen as a “seek professional help” card at times. It represents institutions as well, and I think that for me, therapy and the whole field of psychology is very much an institution.
We had a lovely day together and accomplished a lot after our therapy sessions were over. We even had some really good conversations later on in the evening which brought some clarity to what I’ve had a hard time figuring out.
I wanted to share this because it’s one of many instances where, by the end of the day, the cards I chose made perfect sense.

*Astrological note: My partner is a Sag– extremely determined, fast moving, hates slowing down, everything is GO! GO! GO!. His moon is in Gemini– also very restless energy, prone to pretty distinct mood shifts at random times. His rising sign is Taurus, thank the stars! I need this grounded, balanced out energy in a partner to some degree and I believe this rising sign really provides that with my partner. Non-Astrologically, he has a few other factors going on… a major one being a pretty uncontrolled case of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, an unresolved case of PTSD from a terrible motorcycle accident and then having his ex-wife steal all of his pain medicine and run off with the kids and take away everything he’d been working for for so many years… the accident left him permanently disabled (physically). He lost his business. Lost the house. And was never even given a chance to say goodbye to the children who weren’t biologically his but he raised from ages 4 and BIRTH up for about 13 years. All things considered, he’s functioning surprisingly well. Though I feel that he could be doing better if he were taking his therapy a bit more seriously and actually addressing issues, he does NOT like to talk about things unless HE’S in the mood to talk about them. Which is very rare.

I am an Aquarius – deep thinker, needs alone time, weird, lots and lots goes on in my head, and I’m very much a peacemaker at heart. My moon, however, is in fiery Aries, which throws in a sometimes dark energy. Aries Moon likes things to manifest immediately, takes things very personally, can be impusive and prone to burning bridges/reacting really harshly before thinking it through. My rising sign is Libra — which I’m learning actually DOES explain a lot in me. That way I seem to be able to come across as being more “okay” than I really feel. The driving, sometimes maddening need to make sure people are being treated fairly and justly. My obsession with TRUTH and CLARITY. Also I think maybe my Libra rising is responsible for my entire social life and has pushed me to even CARE to be around people at all. If not for Libra rising balancing out my super introspective Aquarian nature, my volatile Aries moon, as well as non-Astrological issues like some mental health issues, extreme PTSD, extreme anxiety about just about EVERYTHING… oh, and I am so fucking introverted it’s just sick.

MAP TO FULFILLMENT Reading for Anonymous

MAP TO FULFILLMENT Reading for Anonymous

I’m going to read the cards in pairs— 1 & 5, 2 & 6, 3 & 7, 4 & 8.tumblr_nl44g6Xhzo1sk82kfo1_540


1. Wheel of Fortune

Spiritually, you are in need of a rather dramatic change. When this card appears in a reading, many readers will talk about “luck” and expecting a sudden change— if you’re on top, expect to go down. And vice versa. I struggle with this card because of that very interpretation. Do I even believe in luck? There’s always “karma”— but that’s another concept that it seems like no one understands.

“Keep planting the seeds you wish to reap – they will develop in time. As your inner, mental images exteriorize – new situations and experiences must fit your existing “belief” structure. New ideas cause change and you can change or alter your experiences by changing and altering your beliefs.” – http://www.crystal-reflections.com/tarot2/rider/wheel.htm
– constant movement and change

  • synchronicity

  • 2 events collide and create something new and unusual

  • influenced by timing

  • the conclusion is found in the beginning

  • cycles and patterns

5. Three of Pentacles

  • assessment
  • seeking help
  • inspiration from teamwork
  • hard work
  • combine creative expression WITH your work (correlates w/ the Wheel’s 2 events colliding…)
  • blending of the mind w/ the physical

2. 2 of Pentacles

Similar to the Wheel of Fortune, the 2 of Pentacles indicates a lot of change and flux happening. This card is in a position of “where you should be at physically”, The figure on the card is usually depicted juggling or balancing. This makes it a bit tricky to ascertain what it’s trying tell us… this isn’t a place of permanence, but we’re asking… oooh… I see…

The 2 of Pentacles tells you that “the best decisions are those that can be easily reversed”. It tells you of a life lived in constant expansion and contraction; it (just like the Wheel) points to cycles. While it may be suggesting a career in the circulation of written materials (journalism, publishing, etc) or even a position of management, it also seems to us that you aren’t meant to lay down too deep of roots anywhere. You are not one to be tied down to the point that you can’t decide to jump on a new opportunity. Perhaps you’ll find frequent relocations in your future, or maybe you will see yourself trying out different physical environments throughout your life. Whatever the case may be, this card is giving us a picture of a person who travels lightly through life, is open and ready to accept change and is light-hearted about this fact.

6. Knight of Pentacles

How do you GET there? Guess who, another member of the Earth family.

The Knights usually signal (to me) an immature energy who THINKS they are much more mature than they really are, and therefore I have trouble trusting Knights. However, we’ve drawn the LEAST Knight-like of all 4. This one is a very steady hard-worker, has a great deal of physical know-how/street-smarts, and is really big on planning everything out. He/she is predictable, slow-moving, conscientious, methodical, patient and stubborn. Also seen as a pessimist by some, the Knight of Pentacles would consider themselves a REALIST by all means.

There are, again, suggestions of careers dealing with writing. There are also more suggestions of hard work needed.

I’m reading this more along the lines of qualities you will need to employ, rather than as a person who will appear in your life— but we should always consider the latter as a possibility.

What I’m getting here is that to reach the state or place you’re meant to be at in a physical sense, you must pay attention to the details in life. You will find way more success by staying organized, making plans and covering all bases— but make sure you remember to ACT on those plans and UTILIZE your organizational skills too.

3. The Magician

This one tripped me up a bit. So this card signifies where you are meant to be in a romantic sense on your life.

I haven’t experienced or heard much about the Magician in a love/relationship context. But to process this on the go, The Magician is VERY powerful, VERY charming, and possesses uncanny abilities to communicate like a freakin’ boss.

I am reading this as an indication that the place you are meant to be romantically is definitely going to have a focal point of communication. When looking for a potential mate, keep good communication skills at the top of your priorities. You need this. You can have an absolutely amazing relationship that lasts… it might just be a bit tricky to find a person who fits your style of communication and dedication to always improving the relationship.

7. Ace of Swords

And how to get there? The Ace of Swords.

The other three Aces in the deck are, in my opinion, pretty optimistic. This one though brings some darker connotations with it. It implies a struggle that will have to be overcome.

The suit of Swords is all about mental forces and how we use them to navigate our way through life. There are a lot of painful looking cards (think 3, 8, 9, 10) and painful lessons within those cards. Clarity, truth and justice are major themes in the suit, and its Ace sort of sums up all of these issues into one big wave of energy.

Practical advice on getting to where you’re meant to be romantically? Face problems head on before they get out of control. Accept responsibility for your actions, but not for the actions of others. Don’t let setbacks effect your journey. Always seek truth— about people, their motives, and about what it is that you truly want and need. Keep your mind clear, don’t allow yourself to get caught up in telling lies (even little ones). When a romantic partner (or a potential) doesn’t seem to be quite telling you the whole truth, DO NOT ignore you intuition telling you to get to the bottom of it. To sum it up – be honest and clear, and don’t put up with anyone who isn’t the same.

4. King of Pentacles

So many Pentacles!

So this card is telling us where you’re supposed to travel to on your map to fulfillment in a MENTAL sense. I do find it interesting that you are a Taurus, because the King of Pentacles is said to be represented by this very sign. He is the Fire of Earth. “The power to govern and safeguard your physical energy” (http://www.rpmwin.com/user/nodntap/symbolist.pdf).

Where the King of Pents is mentally is somewhere secure, somewhat stoic, slow to react. Sometimes seen as lacking in emotion, he’s actually just much slower to get angry or passionately fired up about things he sees as trivial. He is a very stable energy, not prone to mood swings or outbursts. Patient and reliable, grounded but thriving.

8. Page of Pentacles

How to get there? The PAGE OF PENTACLES! Wow.

This Page represents Earth of Earth, so we’ve got MAJOR Earth energy here.

As advice in reaching a goal, the Page of Pentacles would say:

  • start saving your money!

  • take some time in solitude to really think about what you WANT out of life. Draw a mindmap, write a list, or make a visualization board. Get the image of those things you want manifested in your life, then for each one, make a list of steps it will take to get there.

  • don’t get caught up in daydreaming (despite what I just got done typing). It’s necessary in my opinion to be able to fully visualize what you want in order to receive it— but you can’t stop there. Focus on small, baby steps that will inch you closer and closer to those goals. Starting small and building bigger is important.

  • Keep yourself grounded and focus on what is realistic. If something seems like it has a 0.5% chance of success— you’d probably be best saving your energy.

  • Lastly, take care of yourself physically. Going outside is something I hear other reader suggest when the Page of Pents appears. You will need lots of strength, so build up those reserves now while you have the chance.

I sincerely hope you got something (positive) out of this reading. It was fun to do, and it helped me as a reader, so I hope it helps you in some way!



#spreadaday2, Day 3 – The Mario One.

I think this is a fun spread and can even be extremely insightful in one’s own meditations. I can understand why a lot of people freaked out about it’s “complexity” and I see that many who did the spread sort of improvised it to their own style of reading.

Looking at the spread in a linear fashion, I got:

  • 9 of Pentacles
  • 2 of Wands
  • Judgement
  • 6 of Wands
  • Temperance
  • the Emperor
  • Death
  • 3 of Swords
  • and the 8 of Cups.

I stared at these cards, trying to read them as a story.
From 2009 – 2012, I held my own for awhile. I had a good job, was getting frequent raises, boss was super happy with me. But I wasn’t happy with me. I’ve always hated how the routine 9-5 kind of job just sucks the life out of people. I’m not one who empties easily of “life”— and I started to get overly wrapped up in it. I went off the deep end a little. A lot. I was bored with life so I decided to take this retail job by the balls and totally be a star employee, etc. It worked. But the responsibilities piled sky high. I didn’t agree with some of the things my boss asked me to do. He put me in charge of patrolling “security”, catching shoplifters and sending reports to the police station. Suddenly I felt like all that misplaced passion was on overload (2 of Wands); my ownJudgement was being compromised and questioned. I was being put in the seat of a “judger”, so to speak, and I was springing to the top of my bosses list for assistant manager material. I started noticing how often people around me were stealing from the store. I found myself having to rat out homeless people and start huge scenes often leading to very frightening arrests inside the store. I felt like I wasn’t safe when I would walk home every night.
I remember my boss printed out this stupid certificate one day, towards the end. It was in Latin. Some award for catching so many shoplifters. I found it disgusting and was ashamed of it. I shoved it into my employee file and never saw it again. (6 of Wands)
What happened next could be described by lots of cards. 10 of Swords? The Tower? For sure. But I Temperance where I would expect to see a card of great pain coming from external events over which I was completely a helpless victim.
True… but…
How would I describe what happened next using the Temperance card?
Well, 2 parts of my life— this false me I had established at work and my true identity collided. Temperance talks about two things that are very different coming together. I used all upright cards here, so I read this bearing in mind that any card could be read as reversed. So maybe I hit a breaking point when the two parts (remember about that 2 of Wands up there!) were FORCED against their will to merge. Let’s call if a bad “chemical reaction”. Oh, so fitting in more ways than one.
Next, I stood before the Emperor. In a court of law. Suddenly, I had fallen right off of that 6 of Wands horse and I stood before a reckoner. So many people could be represented by this Emperor. The Judge. My lawyer? The consequences of hanging around with the guy I fell in love with (unfortunately)? Perhaps my own father, as we prepared to undergo a true test of our father-daughter relationship…
And then: Death. Again, perhaps cognitive reframing has worked in my therapy for PTSD after all that happened during this time. Because I would expect to see, again, a more ominous and painful card here. But perhaps Death is putting what happened nicely: the situation ended as I knew it and there was no longer any choice but to start COMPLETELY new in my life. Or, perhaps the Death card speaks from it’s shadow position: the idiotic mistakes I made when trying to AVOID leaving behind certain parts of my past.

I remember what I wrote on Facebook that day. “Why do I always wait until fists fly?” 

Two weeks after that, I sorrowfully entered the court room once again, this time to get a no-contact order that would keep me safe from the guy who did it to me.
Three of Swords, hell yeah. This was gut-wrenching pain— not even fear anymore, as he twisted my arm slowly around in its socket and told me what he planned to do to us both. We’d go up in flames in that tiny camper together. This person I loved had lapsed into opiates again and was withdrawing. He became a psychotic, terrifying demon version of what I thought I knew him to be. Three months- three swords. I watched as this person I was SO SURE was my soul mate— my cosmic connection— deteriorated into a life of drug addled insanity. Pieces of my heart chipped away every day. This was not supposed to happen.

My STOP card is the 8 of Cups, and what the HELL else would it be?
The card that stalked me almost all year.
And I pull these cards today, after I return from my third year in a row of RENEWING that no-contact order.

He’s out of my life, and so is ALL of that shit I’ve been afraid to say goodbye to. All of those memories… I’m beginning to finally get it now. Memories are just… memories. Write them down if you’re afraid you’ll forget them. Create something with your artistic talent, your Fire energy— create one last shrine to all the things that are over, done with and will never ever return.
You are now realizing that carrying these little scraps of “cherished” reminder of the past are HURTING you. Look how much time has been wasted staring at these damned spilled cups. All of that emotion and feeling and all of those bitter tears and self-indulgent moments of recalling, of “maintaining a clear memory” of it all… it’s a goddamn waste! You’ve told your story, you’ve written your story, you are STILL experiencing the same severity (worse, really) of flashbacks and nightmares you were when it originally happened. Now though you’ve deeply ingrained these scars in your heart that come from the shards of the past you insist on carrying.
Only now I understand why the 8 of Cups has been stalking me. I wasn’t understanding the place between realizing that I must say goodbye to that which no longer serves me… and actually letting go.
I wasn’t thinking about how scary it actually is to LET GO.
To not think about those events as The Tower or the 10 of Swords. To not be stuck in that that victim holding pattern in the 8 of Swords. To let the stage that the 9 of Swords inevitably led me through GO once the lessons have been learned.
To let go, you don’t have to literally burn everything down that reminds you. You don’t have to get rid of anything— no, you just need to put it out of sight, and put something new in it’s place. Take the newspaper articles, the boxes of paperwork, the LETTERS FROM JAIL (ahem, self, are you listening?), put them in the attic or storage bins and get them out of your sight. That’s step one.
Step two is to endure the pain. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch and seem like there is no light at the end— like there’s no end at all.
But it will come to you one day like a lightning bolt of realization.
Just the same way as I just looked at my “Tower” event as a “Temperance” event, you’ve got to start trying on some new lenses.

Look at it differently. I realize that I am suddenly more at ease with a lot of my oldest and most intense triggers. I realize that when I am lonely and scared, these days I don’t reach out to a shard of painful memory to try to somehow be comforted by it.
The past really is gone. Sometimes there really is NOTHING you can do to get back what you’ve lost.
I’m starting to understand the concept of letting go, though.
And that’s freaking huge.

“Are You Twin Flame Material? “

“Are You Twin Flame Material? “

I am using the following spread:

http://lovedovetarot.com/2012/10/05/are-you-twin-flame-material/ from Lisa at lovedovetarot.comimage

. I highly suggest you check out her blog if you’re not already familiar with it!






1. Your Readiness to Serve in Twin Flame Capacity
2. Soul’s Purpose Check-Up (you)
3. Soul’s Purpose Check-Up (your Twin Flame)
4. Karmic issue/challenge (you)
5. Karmic issue/challenge (your Twin Flame)
6. How you are already connected (tune into your inner knowing and allow the card image to take you on a journey until you feel a ‘click’ and recognise the connection)
7. Divine guidance about the synchronicities that will bring you together (timing may be indicated here if you are indeed about to be united)
8. Outcome – Shows the most likely outcome in terms of serving together with your Twin Flame in this incarnation.

1. My readiness to serve in Twin Flame Capacity is represented by the Fool, reversed. Um, I swear I got rid of all reversed cards when I shuffled. Interesting. Just looking at the card…


… I certainly see a lot of foolishness.

This card is telling me that I am probably NOT ready at this time to meet and work with my Twin Flame. Why? Well there’s an issue that has to do with growing and maturing. I may be making assumptions about my own maturity level that are distorted. I may be limiting myself intensely by basing every decision I make on past experiences (failures) and expecting the worst outcome in all risk-taking endeavors.

Conversely, I may be at a place right now where I feel like I’m ready to take on ANYTHING. Totally intoxicated with the experiences that newness and freedom and adventure bring, I may be about to foolishly REPEAT a serious mistake I’ve made in the past.

A few additional notes I have on the reversed Fool: unfocused. No vision. Good at ignoring warnings.  Blocking or forcing manifestation. Eccentricity which crosses the line into delusional-ity.

This card tells me that I must gain more maturity and stability before I am ready for Twin Flame work. I couldn’t agree more.

2. Soul Purpose (me): King of Wands

“The power to govern and safeguard spiritual energy”

My soul’s purpose at this time is to spread my vision through creative and spiritual means. Art (the written word included) are the platforms on which I stand. I am a visionary; this much is certain. I enjoy mentoring people, motivating people, uniting people… but I need an audience. That’s my major downfall. If no one is listening (or if it FEELS that way), out come all of my defense mechanisms and negative energies.

3. Soul Purpose (them): 9 of Pentacles

Ah, I had no idea how to read this card in this position, so I had to pull out the books and brush up on my knowledge!

The 9 of Pentacles as a soul purpose would describe someone who has done a LOT of work, made a LOT of important connections, and is now taking this time to relax. The figure on many Rider-Waite based decks is female, and for some reason I always picture my paternal grandmother when I think about it (although she never did work, but now that my grandpa’s gone, she’s certainly surveying his hard work and accomplishments from a high throne and living up the luxury he set aside for them in their old age). Excuse me for using a gender pronoun but I am going to refer to this card as “she”.

She is older than I— we can tell by her stability, self-reliance, and history of hard work. She may seem a bit vain, but give her a break, she’s earned a few pedicures and spa treatments after the crap she’s had to deal with! She isn’t truly vain, though— what is most important to her is and always has been the work that she’s been involved in for so long now.

More specifically, I see someone surrounded by nature. I also see someone who is on their own by choice. Not very romantically inclined, but certainly well known and loved by many.

4. My Karmic Issue – The Magician

First of all, what is a karmic issue or conflict exactly?

It is a problem or a tricky situation that just seems to keep coming up in one’s life. It is said to be residual from a past life. It is also said to be repeating itself because you haven’t truly LEARNED the lesson yet.

A few cards back (number 2, to be precise), I was browsing through my tarot journal at the King of Wands page. Now, I am doing the same thing on the Magician page. The same phrase is popping out at me: “changing the world around you to fit your goals”.

There is a karmic lesson right there. There is, of course, a certain degree of re-arranging one can do in their routines, scenery, perspectives, etc., but to expect you can change the whole WORLD to think the way you do is (obviously) a preposterous and presumptuous idea, is it not?

Another karmic lesson I see in the Magician card is in the proper use of channeling. I’m not going to limit this to just mean “channelling spirits”; I see it applying to simply delivering something (such as information or insight) to someone/something else. The Magician card has said ties to the written word (again), messages and speech. The Magician’s power is in the fact that they have mastered every element, every channel, every medium… they are sharp as a tack an can get any message across at any time. Perhaps a karmic lesson here would be in my ability to effectively transmit ideas and information in a way that actually serves a PURPOSE, not just arbitrarily for the hell of it. This rings my resonance bell.

I’m sensing a theme in myself already in this reading! A whole lot of creative energy (mostly in the form of words), but not a whole lot of follow through.

5. Their Karmic Issue: The High Priestess

Oooh! Can I tell you a secret? I NEVER pull this card for some reason. This is the first time I’ve seen this glorious card in a reading!


This is a quote taken from Aeclectic Tarot’s forum, by user Thirteen.

“You might say that the HPS is the yin to the Magician’s yang—balancing his light with her dark, his chatter with her silence, his bright, exposed personality with her veiled, mysterious persona. He is all exterior—you see his outside, but not is inside, she is all interior—you get to know her inside, but her outside is hidden. He is standing, she sitting, he is moving, she is still. His red with her blue. His conscious, active mind to her subconscious, dreaming mind, his reason to her intuition.”


My Twin Flame’s Karmic issue involves a lot of mystery and unknowns. Not to her (pardon the female pronoun again, it’s just that the High Priestess symbolizes feminine energy to the max), but to ME.

Referring back to my Twin Flame’s Soul Purpose being the 9 of Pentacles, the High Priestess also speaks of calm, peaceful states of mind, body and soul. She also speaks of the maturity and grace that comes from experience AND intuition.

As a Karmic Lesson, the High Priestess is implying an issue with hidden knowledge, patience, mood and emotional regulation, using gifts of intuition properly, and seeking answers through dreams.

(This card right here is actually bringing to mind someone in particular that I’ve long wondered what the hell it is that pulls us together so strongly— she’s an older woman who shares my sun AND rising signs, has a lot of the same issues I do, and shares a lot of the same passions I do.)

6.. How we are already connected – 7 of Pentacles

Thought: It’s weird that I’m seeing a lot of Pentacles here. Pentacles is the one suit I am very deficient in in my life. I’ve mentioned this before, but I have pretty severe PTSD and agorophobia right now and have not been able to work for 2 years. I’m on the brink of a Disability hearing which unfortunately is falling to pieces— my lawyer backed out, I’m totally unprepared. Trying to remain optimistic and think outside the box. I can’t continue to live this way, totally income-less, much longer. At this point I’d be willing to try picking up a part-time job, but am completely lacking in transportation and can’t get myself anywhere. So, the Pentacles suit is really… my struggle right now. I have nothing to offer.

The 7 of Pentacles, however, makes total sense in this position.

My Twin Flame and I are already connected in the following ways:

  • we are both working on a very slow, difficult process
  • we have been working on this project for quite some time and are both in a position of feeling weary, anxiously awaiting the day when what we’ve been working towards finally pays off
  • we are both practicing a lot of inner work, taking the time out necessary to truly LEARN lessons after painful experiences
  • we are both making slow but steady progress
  • we are both very vigilant of “energy vampires”
  • we are both manifesting our ideas

7. Divine Guidance: King of Pentacles

Again with the Pentacles. Okay, so what would the King of Pentacles advice?

  • use caution with finances— save the money you make right now because you will need it later
  • look for opportunities to make money that involve brainstorming ideas with others
  • look into exchanging services with someone
  • reign in moody behaviors!
  • have a strong work ethic
  • safeguard your own physical energy

8. Outcome – Ace of Cups

Well this certainly looks positive.

The Ace of Cups as an outcome would suggest a state of emotional openness and newness. Healing? HEALING! YES!

The Ace of Cups brings about spiritual love, empathy, establishing a bond, going to a deeper level within a relationship. It also speaks of developing intuition and being able to TRUST your inner voice (something I know I certainly doubt constantly). It can also imply the end of an emotional “drought”, so to speak.

In the context of a Twin Flame relationship, the Ace of Cups is telling me that once we are ready to unite, we will mutually be able to fill eachother’s cups— of love, emotion, passion, etc. This sounds like a romantic connection, but I see it very differently. I see this as the sort of best friend relationship you never would have dreamed you’d someday find.


Embracing The Energy: The Ace of Wands

I crafted a new spread this morning after being stalked by this card daily.

I’ll do a very quick example reading on myself.

Embracing the Ace of Wands

Embracing the Ace of Wands


First off, I’ve pulled out the Ace of Wands as a significator card. I like to stand significators up against a pillar candle or anything really where they’re the focal point of the spread.

1. How can I welcome this new energy into my life?

5 of Wands – determination, standing up against competition

2. What opportunities lie “outside the box”?

5 of Cups – the opportunity to take a different perspective on my past pains– realizing not all is lost, looking at what actually does remain

3. How can I ignite an aura of excitement?

The Magician – acting consciously, taking action, taking the reigns, taking responsibility for where I direct my energy

4. How can I keep this aura going?

9 of Swords – there may be much doubt and worry, but don’t give up– remember you’ve already had your “dark night of the soul” and are now waking up. Any pain now is just growing pains.

5. What will this new energy bring into my life?

The World – a cycle that leads to completion, graduation, completing a goal, fulfillment

6. Where should I look for further guidance?

4 of Cups – going within, being introspective, assessing what is truly of emotional value to me and what is merely fogging my glass, meditation and dreams, withdrawing from the hustle and bustle, listening to my intuition. Being wise with how I distribute my emotions, realizing how much energy is being used on emotional affairs.