The Five of Pentacles: The tragic story of my last winter…

I’ve been drawing a card every day and trying to take notes on all of the minor and court cards as extensively as I can (from lots of different sources, of course).

This card takes the CAKE. I’m blown away. I am thoroughly convinced that the Five of Pentacles is my relationship with my last partner, with whom I went through an absolute hellish situation.

I don’t even know if I want to write about this, for fear I might start crying and not be able to stop.

Lance and I were homeless, living together in a tent through the summer. The reasons are many, most were just stupid decisions on my part, but that’s not the point.

Mid-summer, we were walking into town on our way to get some tasks out of the way so that we could go on a picnic. This was a huge treat for us at this time. We were living in the forest (and seeing the image of the woman crying against a TREE in the Druid deck gave me goosebumps). As sketchy as this sounds, we were planning so many things— we were almost ready to get a place together. Things were looking like they were going to get so much better…
And then, it happened. The “event” I’ve referred to in this blog already a time or two.

We were suddenly stopped by a police officer on foot while crossing Main street. To make a long, sordid and painful tale short— apparently when we walked out of our camp that morning, a child who had run away from a nearby school for troubled youth was hiding in that field and she was watching us very closely, concocting up a story that would end up ruining our lives as we knew them.

No investigating was done when the girl made a claim to the school counselor who had abandoned her in the field that WE—my boyfriend and I, who had no knowledge of her other than seeing her way off in the distance for a split second before we exited the field… that WE had come across the field and viciously assaulted her. She had stomped on the beads of her jump rope and broke it (this part came out later), and… well, somehow the rope ended up tied loosely around her neck. Ironically, a local man had just hung himself on the bike path in town and EVERYONE was talking about it— I can’t help but wonder if that was what gave her the idea…

We were thrown straight into prison. After being held on “probable cause” in a maximum security women’s prison, I was released onto house arrest for three months while my ex remained locked up in Police custody (isolation) this whole time.

In September 2012, a grand jury met and the girl testified again. Her story changed. The timeline was presented and clearly didn’t make any sense. And the biggest issue at hand was: there was absolutely no evidence of a crime ever being committed. The child was examined the day of the alleged incident and was found completely free of even the slightest hint of an altercation… no scrapes, no bruises, nothing. She got impatient, in fact, while we were being arrested and booked, because she wanted to drop the whole thing and go play with her toys. Yeah. I refuse to speculate on her motives as she is a child and is confirmed to have a LOT of emotional issues (witnessing domestic violence in the home was what landed her in this special school to begin with).

Grand jury met, and without even having any defense present on our side, they unanimously voted the case down. The heinous charges of attempted murder and kidnapping which were hanging over our heads like a death sentence were dropped.

But, the legal system is corrupt. More than you’d ever even know unless you’ve been a victim of their corruption. The district attorney would not drop the remaining A&B charges, insisting instead on drawing the case out as slowly as possible. Finally, a DNA test was sent for to test the jump rope. It took over eight months to come back, but last month it finally did, and the case was QUIETLY DISMISSED and swept under the rug. No exoneration, no apologies. Just a bunch of confusing news articles that pissed the residents of the town off even more at us because they thought that we were “let off on a loophole”.

But you see, the real part of the story that I feel the Five of Coins was making itself known was the part that I consider the saddest.
Over the winter, he and I were reunited. I stayed in a camper with him while he remained under house arrest (still). It was horrible. Our living conditions were just… sick. I don’t even want to talk about it.
The Raider Waite deck has an image of… Lance and I. I swear to God, it’s us on that card. He was sick… his kidneys began failing and he shot out 9 kidney stones in a row. It was like living trapped in a confined space with a dying person.

And what’s even worse is that he relapsed into opiate addiction because of the kidney stones and being prescribed pain medication.
My heart slowly broke— no, it was more like a knife was slowly inserted into it and sadistically twisted in the most painful, protracted ways imaginable. I watched as the person I loved turned into a monster. This is addiction. The stress of the situation I feel broke both of us. On February first he lapsed into a psychotic state and tried to kill both of us by lighting the camper on fire.

The police were called.

I had to watch as they took him away from me. But I knew this was what had to happen… After seeing him return to his addiction, I saw someone I wanted nothing to do with. The Lance I thought I knew and loved… gone.

So that positive element of “loyalty” and “sticking it out together” on some of these decks didn’t happen for me.

The major positive thing that happened was that I got out, alive.
The negatives… well, I could go on forever about those. Losing my job, my name, my community, my friends… everything was loss. Perhaps that’s why I clung to my leper so tightly.



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