Spreadaday Day 9

1. What past regret is still holding me back? 8 of Cups

2. What is the lesson that must be learned? Ace of Wands

3. How can I learn to forgive myself? 10 of Pents, Rx

1. The 8 of Cups always shows up when I’m reading for myself and the subject matter is kind of heavy! It’s crazy but I swear! 

Ok. Once again this one is hitting the nail on the head. I don’t want to overshare, but yeah— I have a major regret involving the way I left a few situations in the past that I didn’t feel were working. A LOT of negative things came from those poor decisions, and yes, I do regret them because they hurt others around me. Not just myself.

2. The lesson to be learned is the Ace of Wands— which makes a lot of sense to me. Had I applied the energy of the Ace of Wands and been bolder, more outspoken about my inner struggle, and thought outside the box a little, I could have… well, I could not have this regret. 

3. Wow, this was a hard one to interpret. The 10 of Pentacles reversed is so much about family, money and misfortune, I had to really meditate on the issue before I receive my answer. On teachmetarot’s blog, the page on the 10 of Pentacles describes a lot of scenarios this card could be referring to. This one really pulled me in:

“On the other hand, you may be disinherited or unwelcome in your family if you have broken important traditions or customs.  You may have taken your own direction, made your own plans or followed your own mind and heart instead of what was expected of you.  You may now feel alienated, ostracised and an outsider. Once you can prove to them you can be equally a success following your own path, and that you meant no personal slight or insult towards them, they will eventually thaw and respect your decisions.  However, if going your own way, brings scandal and shame upon your family then you may be waiting a long time for forgiveness.”  http://teachmetarot.wordpress.com/part-1-minor-arcana/lesson-9-the-four-fives/nine-ix-of-pentacles/ten-x-of-pentacles/

Taking my own path, against the grain of what my family would consider “right”. Yes. Trying to succeed to prove to them that I CAN do things my own way… even though it isn’t their way. Proving to them that their worldview is functionally retarded by its restricted scope of possibility. This message really encourages me to keep on in my personal battles back to independance. I am facing a lot of really discouraging, disappointing criticisms from those in my life (family in particular) right now because I’m at a vulnerable stage in this journey. I need help, but not judgement or iron-fisted “advice”. Hm. Maybe I have adopted their heavy judgement style in my view of myself… am I limiting my prospects by thinking like them? Am I invalidating myself and my vision because I know how my family views me and am using the same lens? Perhaps I need to forgive myself for ever straying from the path they set for me to begin with. Perhaps all of the… stuff… I’ve been through because of choosing my own way… will pay off in a way that can make me say “Hey look, I knew I could do it” someday. (*feels the joy of that moment*)


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