#spreadaday2, Day 3 – The Mario One.

I think this is a fun spread and can even be extremely insightful in one’s own meditations. I can understand why a lot of people freaked out about it’s “complexity” and I see that many who did the spread sort of improvised it to their own style of reading.

Looking at the spread in a linear fashion, I got:

  • 9 of Pentacles
  • 2 of Wands
  • Judgement
  • 6 of Wands
  • Temperance
  • the Emperor
  • Death
  • 3 of Swords
  • and the 8 of Cups.

I stared at these cards, trying to read them as a story.
From 2009 – 2012, I held my own for awhile. I had a good job, was getting frequent raises, boss was super happy with me. But I wasn’t happy with me. I’ve always hated how the routine 9-5 kind of job just sucks the life out of people. I’m not one who empties easily of “life”— and I started to get overly wrapped up in it. I went off the deep end a little. A lot. I was bored with life so I decided to take this retail job by the balls and totally be a star employee, etc. It worked. But the responsibilities piled sky high. I didn’t agree with some of the things my boss asked me to do. He put me in charge of patrolling “security”, catching shoplifters and sending reports to the police station. Suddenly I felt like all that misplaced passion was on overload (2 of Wands); my ownJudgement was being compromised and questioned. I was being put in the seat of a “judger”, so to speak, and I was springing to the top of my bosses list for assistant manager material. I started noticing how often people around me were stealing from the store. I found myself having to rat out homeless people and start huge scenes often leading to very frightening arrests inside the store. I felt like I wasn’t safe when I would walk home every night.
I remember my boss printed out this stupid certificate one day, towards the end. It was in Latin. Some award for catching so many shoplifters. I found it disgusting and was ashamed of it. I shoved it into my employee file and never saw it again. (6 of Wands)
What happened next could be described by lots of cards. 10 of Swords? The Tower? For sure. But I Temperance where I would expect to see a card of great pain coming from external events over which I was completely a helpless victim.
True… but…
How would I describe what happened next using the Temperance card?
Well, 2 parts of my life— this false me I had established at work and my true identity collided. Temperance talks about two things that are very different coming together. I used all upright cards here, so I read this bearing in mind that any card could be read as reversed. So maybe I hit a breaking point when the two parts (remember about that 2 of Wands up there!) were FORCED against their will to merge. Let’s call if a bad “chemical reaction”. Oh, so fitting in more ways than one.
Next, I stood before the Emperor. In a court of law. Suddenly, I had fallen right off of that 6 of Wands horse and I stood before a reckoner. So many people could be represented by this Emperor. The Judge. My lawyer? The consequences of hanging around with the guy I fell in love with (unfortunately)? Perhaps my own father, as we prepared to undergo a true test of our father-daughter relationship…
And then: Death. Again, perhaps cognitive reframing has worked in my therapy for PTSD after all that happened during this time. Because I would expect to see, again, a more ominous and painful card here. But perhaps Death is putting what happened nicely: the situation ended as I knew it and there was no longer any choice but to start COMPLETELY new in my life. Or, perhaps the Death card speaks from it’s shadow position: the idiotic mistakes I made when trying to AVOID leaving behind certain parts of my past.

I remember what I wrote on Facebook that day. “Why do I always wait until fists fly?” 

Two weeks after that, I sorrowfully entered the court room once again, this time to get a no-contact order that would keep me safe from the guy who did it to me.
Three of Swords, hell yeah. This was gut-wrenching pain— not even fear anymore, as he twisted my arm slowly around in its socket and told me what he planned to do to us both. We’d go up in flames in that tiny camper together. This person I loved had lapsed into opiates again and was withdrawing. He became a psychotic, terrifying demon version of what I thought I knew him to be. Three months- three swords. I watched as this person I was SO SURE was my soul mate— my cosmic connection— deteriorated into a life of drug addled insanity. Pieces of my heart chipped away every day. This was not supposed to happen.

My STOP card is the 8 of Cups, and what the HELL else would it be?
The card that stalked me almost all year.
And I pull these cards today, after I return from my third year in a row of RENEWING that no-contact order.

He’s out of my life, and so is ALL of that shit I’ve been afraid to say goodbye to. All of those memories… I’m beginning to finally get it now. Memories are just… memories. Write them down if you’re afraid you’ll forget them. Create something with your artistic talent, your Fire energy— create one last shrine to all the things that are over, done with and will never ever return.
You are now realizing that carrying these little scraps of “cherished” reminder of the past are HURTING you. Look how much time has been wasted staring at these damned spilled cups. All of that emotion and feeling and all of those bitter tears and self-indulgent moments of recalling, of “maintaining a clear memory” of it all… it’s a goddamn waste! You’ve told your story, you’ve written your story, you are STILL experiencing the same severity (worse, really) of flashbacks and nightmares you were when it originally happened. Now though you’ve deeply ingrained these scars in your heart that come from the shards of the past you insist on carrying.
Only now I understand why the 8 of Cups has been stalking me. I wasn’t understanding the place between realizing that I must say goodbye to that which no longer serves me… and actually letting go.
I wasn’t thinking about how scary it actually is to LET GO.
To not think about those events as The Tower or the 10 of Swords. To not be stuck in that that victim holding pattern in the 8 of Swords. To let the stage that the 9 of Swords inevitably led me through GO once the lessons have been learned.
To let go, you don’t have to literally burn everything down that reminds you. You don’t have to get rid of anything— no, you just need to put it out of sight, and put something new in it’s place. Take the newspaper articles, the boxes of paperwork, the LETTERS FROM JAIL (ahem, self, are you listening?), put them in the attic or storage bins and get them out of your sight. That’s step one.
Step two is to endure the pain. It’s gonna hurt like a bitch and seem like there is no light at the end— like there’s no end at all.
But it will come to you one day like a lightning bolt of realization.
Just the same way as I just looked at my “Tower” event as a “Temperance” event, you’ve got to start trying on some new lenses.

Look at it differently. I realize that I am suddenly more at ease with a lot of my oldest and most intense triggers. I realize that when I am lonely and scared, these days I don’t reach out to a shard of painful memory to try to somehow be comforted by it.
The past really is gone. Sometimes there really is NOTHING you can do to get back what you’ve lost.
I’m starting to understand the concept of letting go, though.
And that’s freaking huge.


“Are You Twin Flame Material? “

“Are You Twin Flame Material? “

I am using the following spread:

http://lovedovetarot.com/2012/10/05/are-you-twin-flame-material/ from Lisa at lovedovetarot.comimage

. I highly suggest you check out her blog if you’re not already familiar with it!






1. Your Readiness to Serve in Twin Flame Capacity
2. Soul’s Purpose Check-Up (you)
3. Soul’s Purpose Check-Up (your Twin Flame)
4. Karmic issue/challenge (you)
5. Karmic issue/challenge (your Twin Flame)
6. How you are already connected (tune into your inner knowing and allow the card image to take you on a journey until you feel a ‘click’ and recognise the connection)
7. Divine guidance about the synchronicities that will bring you together (timing may be indicated here if you are indeed about to be united)
8. Outcome – Shows the most likely outcome in terms of serving together with your Twin Flame in this incarnation.

1. My readiness to serve in Twin Flame Capacity is represented by the Fool, reversed. Um, I swear I got rid of all reversed cards when I shuffled. Interesting. Just looking at the card…


… I certainly see a lot of foolishness.

This card is telling me that I am probably NOT ready at this time to meet and work with my Twin Flame. Why? Well there’s an issue that has to do with growing and maturing. I may be making assumptions about my own maturity level that are distorted. I may be limiting myself intensely by basing every decision I make on past experiences (failures) and expecting the worst outcome in all risk-taking endeavors.

Conversely, I may be at a place right now where I feel like I’m ready to take on ANYTHING. Totally intoxicated with the experiences that newness and freedom and adventure bring, I may be about to foolishly REPEAT a serious mistake I’ve made in the past.

A few additional notes I have on the reversed Fool: unfocused. No vision. Good at ignoring warnings.  Blocking or forcing manifestation. Eccentricity which crosses the line into delusional-ity.

This card tells me that I must gain more maturity and stability before I am ready for Twin Flame work. I couldn’t agree more.

2. Soul Purpose (me): King of Wands

“The power to govern and safeguard spiritual energy”

My soul’s purpose at this time is to spread my vision through creative and spiritual means. Art (the written word included) are the platforms on which I stand. I am a visionary; this much is certain. I enjoy mentoring people, motivating people, uniting people… but I need an audience. That’s my major downfall. If no one is listening (or if it FEELS that way), out come all of my defense mechanisms and negative energies.

3. Soul Purpose (them): 9 of Pentacles

Ah, I had no idea how to read this card in this position, so I had to pull out the books and brush up on my knowledge!

The 9 of Pentacles as a soul purpose would describe someone who has done a LOT of work, made a LOT of important connections, and is now taking this time to relax. The figure on many Rider-Waite based decks is female, and for some reason I always picture my paternal grandmother when I think about it (although she never did work, but now that my grandpa’s gone, she’s certainly surveying his hard work and accomplishments from a high throne and living up the luxury he set aside for them in their old age). Excuse me for using a gender pronoun but I am going to refer to this card as “she”.

She is older than I— we can tell by her stability, self-reliance, and history of hard work. She may seem a bit vain, but give her a break, she’s earned a few pedicures and spa treatments after the crap she’s had to deal with! She isn’t truly vain, though— what is most important to her is and always has been the work that she’s been involved in for so long now.

More specifically, I see someone surrounded by nature. I also see someone who is on their own by choice. Not very romantically inclined, but certainly well known and loved by many.

4. My Karmic Issue – The Magician

First of all, what is a karmic issue or conflict exactly?

It is a problem or a tricky situation that just seems to keep coming up in one’s life. It is said to be residual from a past life. It is also said to be repeating itself because you haven’t truly LEARNED the lesson yet.

A few cards back (number 2, to be precise), I was browsing through my tarot journal at the King of Wands page. Now, I am doing the same thing on the Magician page. The same phrase is popping out at me: “changing the world around you to fit your goals”.

There is a karmic lesson right there. There is, of course, a certain degree of re-arranging one can do in their routines, scenery, perspectives, etc., but to expect you can change the whole WORLD to think the way you do is (obviously) a preposterous and presumptuous idea, is it not?

Another karmic lesson I see in the Magician card is in the proper use of channeling. I’m not going to limit this to just mean “channelling spirits”; I see it applying to simply delivering something (such as information or insight) to someone/something else. The Magician card has said ties to the written word (again), messages and speech. The Magician’s power is in the fact that they have mastered every element, every channel, every medium… they are sharp as a tack an can get any message across at any time. Perhaps a karmic lesson here would be in my ability to effectively transmit ideas and information in a way that actually serves a PURPOSE, not just arbitrarily for the hell of it. This rings my resonance bell.

I’m sensing a theme in myself already in this reading! A whole lot of creative energy (mostly in the form of words), but not a whole lot of follow through.

5. Their Karmic Issue: The High Priestess

Oooh! Can I tell you a secret? I NEVER pull this card for some reason. This is the first time I’ve seen this glorious card in a reading!


This is a quote taken from Aeclectic Tarot’s forum, by user Thirteen.

“You might say that the HPS is the yin to the Magician’s yang—balancing his light with her dark, his chatter with her silence, his bright, exposed personality with her veiled, mysterious persona. He is all exterior—you see his outside, but not is inside, she is all interior—you get to know her inside, but her outside is hidden. He is standing, she sitting, he is moving, she is still. His red with her blue. His conscious, active mind to her subconscious, dreaming mind, his reason to her intuition.”


My Twin Flame’s Karmic issue involves a lot of mystery and unknowns. Not to her (pardon the female pronoun again, it’s just that the High Priestess symbolizes feminine energy to the max), but to ME.

Referring back to my Twin Flame’s Soul Purpose being the 9 of Pentacles, the High Priestess also speaks of calm, peaceful states of mind, body and soul. She also speaks of the maturity and grace that comes from experience AND intuition.

As a Karmic Lesson, the High Priestess is implying an issue with hidden knowledge, patience, mood and emotional regulation, using gifts of intuition properly, and seeking answers through dreams.

(This card right here is actually bringing to mind someone in particular that I’ve long wondered what the hell it is that pulls us together so strongly— she’s an older woman who shares my sun AND rising signs, has a lot of the same issues I do, and shares a lot of the same passions I do.)

6.. How we are already connected – 7 of Pentacles

Thought: It’s weird that I’m seeing a lot of Pentacles here. Pentacles is the one suit I am very deficient in in my life. I’ve mentioned this before, but I have pretty severe PTSD and agorophobia right now and have not been able to work for 2 years. I’m on the brink of a Disability hearing which unfortunately is falling to pieces— my lawyer backed out, I’m totally unprepared. Trying to remain optimistic and think outside the box. I can’t continue to live this way, totally income-less, much longer. At this point I’d be willing to try picking up a part-time job, but am completely lacking in transportation and can’t get myself anywhere. So, the Pentacles suit is really… my struggle right now. I have nothing to offer.

The 7 of Pentacles, however, makes total sense in this position.

My Twin Flame and I are already connected in the following ways:

  • we are both working on a very slow, difficult process
  • we have been working on this project for quite some time and are both in a position of feeling weary, anxiously awaiting the day when what we’ve been working towards finally pays off
  • we are both practicing a lot of inner work, taking the time out necessary to truly LEARN lessons after painful experiences
  • we are both making slow but steady progress
  • we are both very vigilant of “energy vampires”
  • we are both manifesting our ideas

7. Divine Guidance: King of Pentacles

Again with the Pentacles. Okay, so what would the King of Pentacles advice?

  • use caution with finances— save the money you make right now because you will need it later
  • look for opportunities to make money that involve brainstorming ideas with others
  • look into exchanging services with someone
  • reign in moody behaviors!
  • have a strong work ethic
  • safeguard your own physical energy

8. Outcome – Ace of Cups

Well this certainly looks positive.

The Ace of Cups as an outcome would suggest a state of emotional openness and newness. Healing? HEALING! YES!

The Ace of Cups brings about spiritual love, empathy, establishing a bond, going to a deeper level within a relationship. It also speaks of developing intuition and being able to TRUST your inner voice (something I know I certainly doubt constantly). It can also imply the end of an emotional “drought”, so to speak.

In the context of a Twin Flame relationship, the Ace of Cups is telling me that once we are ready to unite, we will mutually be able to fill eachother’s cups— of love, emotion, passion, etc. This sounds like a romantic connection, but I see it very differently. I see this as the sort of best friend relationship you never would have dreamed you’d someday find.


Embracing The Energy: The Ace of Wands

I crafted a new spread this morning after being stalked by this card daily.

I’ll do a very quick example reading on myself.

Embracing the Ace of Wands

Embracing the Ace of Wands


First off, I’ve pulled out the Ace of Wands as a significator card. I like to stand significators up against a pillar candle or anything really where they’re the focal point of the spread.

1. How can I welcome this new energy into my life?

5 of Wands – determination, standing up against competition

2. What opportunities lie “outside the box”?

5 of Cups – the opportunity to take a different perspective on my past pains– realizing not all is lost, looking at what actually does remain

3. How can I ignite an aura of excitement?

The Magician – acting consciously, taking action, taking the reigns, taking responsibility for where I direct my energy

4. How can I keep this aura going?

9 of Swords – there may be much doubt and worry, but don’t give up– remember you’ve already had your “dark night of the soul” and are now waking up. Any pain now is just growing pains.

5. What will this new energy bring into my life?

The World – a cycle that leads to completion, graduation, completing a goal, fulfillment

6. Where should I look for further guidance?

4 of Cups – going within, being introspective, assessing what is truly of emotional value to me and what is merely fogging my glass, meditation and dreams, withdrawing from the hustle and bustle, listening to my intuition. Being wise with how I distribute my emotions, realizing how much energy is being used on emotional affairs.

Tarot Stories: Best Romantic Couple In the Deck?


“What tarot cards make your favorite romantic couple?”

I’m drawn to think of the balance of opposites, the bringing together of two who may seem very opposite yet work together beautifully.

I am drawn then to think of my own relationship; he is 41 and I am 28. We met through very “chance” circumstances, though looking back it is interesting to note all of the forces of the universe that must have been working together to help us find one another.

I sometimes think of myself as the Knight of Page of Swords (if I were a court card)— definitely unfinished in my growth and maturity, yet still eager to learn and progress. I am an Aquarius, Libra rising.

AN_KnightSwords300I have that very “weird” Aquarian vibe (well, its weird to non-Aquarians) that I put off, and I can remember the night we met so well. He sat quietly in the corner of the room, mysteriously observing me I usually have a keen sense of how a person feels about me quite early on— but he had me totally stumped. This mystery and “man-of-few-words” quality really made me push to find out more.

He turned out to be all I could have ever wished for in a partner. After coming out of a recent situation of pretty severe abuse wherein my perpetrator was in jail for what he did to me, I didn’t trust anyone. I was working on project ME for the first time in my life— no filling that void of loneliness with another relationship, this was ME time. After I spent some intense soul-searching time, I had drawn up a list of non-negotiables for any future relationships. I made the firm decision that I would not accept these 10 specific things, ever ever again, and that even the hint of them would turn me off to a potential lover completely before the attachments form. In some ways I feel like the Universe was saying “This is exactly the lesson you’ve needed to learn your entire adult life. I trust you finally have understood and internalized this lesson and will live your life differently now, so here you go…” and just… put him in my life.

There are several court cards I see him as and these change often. Sometimes he’s an established, mature King who seems in control of his entire realm. Sometimes he seems like a Knight (… of Wands) who just can’t control his Sagittarius fire and UGH he acts just like a teenage boy. The other day he was in a particularly bad mood and I asked the cards “what do I need to know about my partner’s current state of mind?” and I drew the KNIGHT OF CUPS— he’s moody and emotional for reasons he may not even know. Sure enough, just like a bad case of PMS, his mood lifted within a couple of days.56ac6fdc4c67bc8bb2c8b5e313df3806

When I look at our relationship as a whole, though, I do get a real sense of yin/yang, but also of the Emperor. They say every girl ends up dating her dad at some point, right? (Ew. How wrong does that one sound?) I think that he has been a pillar of strength, love and patience throughout our 1 year and 8 months together. I have spent most of this time working through my traumas of the past few years, sticking to the changes I decided upon during my time of soul searching. and have probably been a bit trying at times on his patience. But he hasn’t left. Like a father figure in a sense, he doesn’t “just leave”- he is there to comfort me when my pain is heavy, and he’s also there to gently remind me when I’m losing a balanced perspective and am getting too engulfed in my own head.

So, as weird as it may sound, I nominate the Emperor and the Knight of Swords as my “best couple of the tarot”.

A Tumblr Reading: There’s A Reason You’re On This Path

What does chinicha need to know about the path they are on currently?


Ace of Swords 

You are on the path of exposing truth and bringing justice. This path is not an easy one and will be full of setbacks, but it is something you believe in. You are living authentically.

How does this path relate to the path chinicha wishes to be on?


When it appears with the Ace of Swords, Judgement denotes a big, important message about the NEED for you to do what you are doing. This sounds to me like you are being assured that you are headed in the right direction. Something interesting about these two cards combined that may or may not apply: sometimes they point to something you HAVE to do to make up for mistakes of the past.

Where will chinicha’s current path lead?

Page of Swords

Interesting— Swords are coming up here, which indicates that your concerns (or possibly the path you’re on) involves a lot of thought — not emotion, not even necessarily passion (unless it’s a passion for exposing truths), but ideas, clarity of thinking, etc. The Page of Swords can represent someone who is a student of medicine, law, science, marketing, journalism, research or other fields that involve the sharing and implementation of IDEAS. This card has a lot to do with speaking your mind freely,

What advice is there for chinicha’s current state of uncertainty?

3 of Wands, baby! The “point of no return” is approaching, so now is the time for any last minute assessment. Are you SURE you have the time/energy/resources to follow through on your plan? Do you have others you can call on for help if you hit a rough patch? Are you making sure to both think about the big picture AND notice all of the details of the situation (now is not a good time to miss important facts, because soon it will be too late to change paths). Find a way to ground yourself, do some soul-searching. From all the other cards I’ve pulled, I’m reading that you are on the right path, but you’re being asked right now to FOCUS— revisit your initial plan, tweak it as needed. And make sure you aren’t taking on too much or going it alone. Your path seems like it’s going to be a rocky one but in the end it is your calling. To not answer that calling would be to ignore authenticity. Be true to you!

I hope this helped! Please let me know how you felt about the reading, if any of it made sense to you or felt right, what you’re still unsure about, etc. And by all means come back soon!